I hope mine doesn't look like that
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
