I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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