He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Randomize
