sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
