I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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