what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
