his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
