I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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