Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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