i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
