Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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