Having a random hookup so left but love u
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
