this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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