So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
