she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
there is glitter all over my balls
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
