i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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