if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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