i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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