My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
