I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
