Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize