His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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