Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
