Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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