every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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