Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
