I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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