I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
