i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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