she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I FOUND THE LEGS
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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