My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
whose parrot is this?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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