Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
