Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
