he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
