I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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