I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
