So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
