Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
