shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home