Midget sex pt 2 tonight
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn