i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.