I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.