Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
