do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'll put lettuce on them
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
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We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
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her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.