i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
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