Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
