the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
