Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
