Pants 0. Shit 1.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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