while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
