I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
