Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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