lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
