Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
