My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize