We're facebook friends in real life
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
