...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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