So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
