I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
