I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
