I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
