Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
