I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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