found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
