By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
