Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
